Today feels like fall. Leaves are beginning to change their colors and their is a bit in the air. The election is also coming up... all the debates, all the signs, all the bumper stickers. Some people love election years. I however, believe in watching shows like Grey's Anatomy, Survivor, and Ellen. If I want to find out how the debates went I can Google it and skip over the information that I don't really care about. According to CNN's poll the candidates are about even - 49 to 43% Obama. So where is the other 8% at? Those people are unsure of what they want... I guess I'll make it easy and give myself the extra 8%. You can just write me in on the ballot. I would make an excellent president. But how could you be unsure of who you might want as your president. That is like the polls where they ask are you offended by a naked person standing in line for popcorn. That is a simple yes or no. Either you like naked people or you don't.... Um I'm unsure of whether I like naked people. Maybe I do but maybe not.... gosh just pick a side.
I'm interested in the whole election this year. This is my favorite part of the election this year. If you haven't wanted to watch the debates this might be worth waiting for...
OXFORD, MS—Amid discussions of possibly postponing the debate altogether, Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain were able to agree Thursday on a new guideline that would allow each candidate one 15-second strangulation during Friday night's presidential debate. "Both candidates will receive two minutes to answer each question, five minutes for discussion, and a one-time-only option to walk over to their opponent's podium and cut off his oxygen supply for up to 15 seconds," a statement from the Commission on Presidential Debates read in part, also specifying that debate moderator Jim Lehrer can exercise his own discretion in determining whether or not the strangulations go over time. "After being choked, the candidate, if still standing, may counter with one of his two allotted empty beer bottles to the head." Because many have agreed the new rule will benefit McCain, the commission has also allotted Obama an optional double-thumbed eye gouge. (the Onion)
I'm sure you all don't really believe this article is accurate.... but it came from the Onion a really reliable source.
I was also looking up how Sarah Palin felt about the issues. Here is what I found:
Health Care: Whatever Mr. McCain thinks is best.
Iraq war: Just wants to give son the chance to shoot something smaller and more Muslim than the usual moose around their property.
Abortion: Will personally carry any unwanted fetuses to term.
Immigration: Whatever Mr. McCain thinks is best.
Economy: "If running the U.S. economy is anything like running Alaska's, things will be fine once we reduce the number of caribou in the streets."
Climate: Whatever Mr. McCain thinks is best.
Foreign Affairs: Boasts strong relationships made over the years with numerous dignitaries from the continental United States.
Here is what her running mate thinks:
Health Care: Supports universal health care for all current and former POWs.
Iraq War: "The United States should no longer act as the world's police but instead as the world's stripper, dressed as the police."
Abortion: Would strongly oppose any legislation that would allow fetuses to be removed from the womb, fed only watery rice porridge, and physically and mentally tortured for months on end.
Immigration: Supports a path to legalization because Latinos are one of the few ethnic groups that don't appear in the senator's recurring nightmares.
Economy: "Once we win this ideological war on radical Islamic extremism which will rage for thousands of years, then we will concentrate on the economy."
Climate: Is against any kind of change at all.
Foreign Affairs: Will not meet with with leaders of unfriendly states, unless it's to give them a head's up that the United States is about to bomb them.
Let's look at the Democrats. First Obama:
Health Care: Promises to reduce cost of health care by demanding private insurance companies stop liking astronomical profits.
Iraq War: Will have American soldiers tell the Iraqi soldiers that they're just going out for some smokes, and then sneak back home to America.
Abortion: Did some crazy shit in the '80's, not going to lie.
Immigration: Would refuse to allow Kenyans to come to America, father children, abandon children, attend Harvard PhD programs, and return to Kenya.
Economy: Will cut taxes, but occasionally hit up Oprah on behalf of treasury.
Climate: Has an extensive five-year plan to charm climate back to normal temperatures. Foreign Affairs: Guarantees improved relations with Kenya, Indonesia, Hawaii, and Illinois.
And His running mate, Joe Biden:
Health Care: Proposes health care punch card system that would make your fifth visit to the emergency room free.
Iraq War: Would partition country into three sectarian regions, wait 28 years, then tear down partitions in triumph for democracy.
Abortion: Supports abortion, but only in cases when political life is in danger.
Immigration: Position being drafted.
Economy: Makes his own contribution by investing heavily in teeth-whitening toothpaste. Climate: Position being drafted.
Foreign Affairs: Two, including magical night in south of Spain.
I figured this was a better review of the issues than what I could find on CNN. Try reading articles on the candidates on theOnion.com
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