So Many Questions

It has been far too long since I last wrote an entry. There have been so many changes for the better - marriage, a puppy, and a new job. All of these come with challenges and blessings. But none of the challenges I face are more scary than my new job.

I now work at the Cancer Center, an inpatient facility for patients who undergo surgery or those patients who are in the hospital and have cancer currently. You may think that it is a depressing place - full of death and sadness - but it really isn't. Yes, there are those patients who receive bad news about how their breast cancer has reoccurred and that they have to go through more chemo or radiation. There are also hospice patients, who have to stay in an inpatient facility for many reasons. We also have those patients who get great news of how the biopsy showed that the tumor was benign.

I used to be able to count on 2 hands the number of patient deaths that occurred during my shifts. Now that count grows daily. Codes are rare but do happen on our floor, but we care for hospice patients. Those patients who are given less than 6 months to live. We can have a hospice patient on our floor anywhere from 1 day to several weeks. Even so, I have never been asked - prior to yesterday - what it felt like to die.

How do you answer that question? What does it feel like to die? I had to answer honestly, I didn't want the patient to come back and haunt me for telling her the wrong thing. So I said "I really have no idea." I have thought about that question a lot over all the years of Bible study growing up and hearing the stories about how Jesus was raised from the dead. It would be nice if Jesus had told us, "hey, it doesn't hurt to die, just tickles a little." Then everyone would know the answer and we wouldn't have to speculate.

I've never had a patient screaming out in pain as they are dying. They mostly fall asleep and never wake up. But I guess you have to take into account all those people who are shot, stabbed, or face some sore of trauma and are killed. I'm sure they have some pain. But then again they also eventually pass out/ go to sleep and die. And then there are drowning victims. It is a painless way to die, but their is unbelievable fear inside them when they are being forced to breathe water into their lungs.

But what really does happen when someone dies? No one knows, well at least people that can tell us. I'm hoping Heaven is a beautiful island with one huge party with balloons, cake, and games. What about you?